52 Pillows – #7 – I Got Nothin’

Seven weeks into my year-long creative project and this is the first week I’m late AND I have nothing to show for it. I feel embarrassed. I really do. The thing is, I’m noticing similarities between my life and my creative project. And it’s not pretty…

For years, my personal mantra has been “Do what needs to be done” i.e. keep it together, survive. It has kept me going when all I wanted was to do was disappear, got me out of bed many many mornings and kept me alive during those times I didn’t really want to be. Surviving has been the running theme of my life for the last 4 years or more.

What I’ve been noticing is I’m doing the same thing in my project as I’ve done in my life. I’ve been doing what needs to be done. Every week I’ve produced a pillow because I said I would. I’ve kept it together. I’ve kept in control. And mostly I’ve done “pretty” pillows. Nothing wrong with pretty. I like pretty things but pretty is not why I created this project. I was/am committed to having a breakthrough in my creativity by completing this project. I want to dig deep, find ways to express all the emotions I’ve experienced these past years – pain, joy, disappointment, elation, heart-break, love – in my sewing, with fabric. Instead, so far, I’ve continued to skim the surface, to keep it together. I’ve been surviving my own project.

So this week, instead of doing more “pretty”, I’ve done nothing and done it late to boot. After another week of surviving my life I couldn’t turn out another “keep it together” pillow for my project. I just couldn’t. So there it is and I honestly don’t know where I’ll go from here. You may see more “pretty” in weeks and months to come – actually you probably will because I really do like pretty – but I do intend to dig deep, somehow…

Posted in 52 Pillows Project, Blog Posts, Fabric of Life, Parenting and Family Tagged with: ,
3 comments on “52 Pillows – #7 – I Got Nothin’
  1. meredith says:

    Tiffiny
    Sounds like you are having a realization that you don’t have to be what everyone and you expect yourself to be. Stop being what your ego is telling you to be and be yourself. It may take awhile to figure out what you like about yourself but a good start is gratitude. Be gratefull for the little things in your nature and your surroundings.
    This is my experience and I’m grateful I went through what you are going through right now.
    Meredith@chairyblossoms

  2. Thanks Meredith. That makes sense. I don’t know if I’m grateful for what I’ve experienced, but I have learned a lot about myself I wouldn’t have learned otherwise… I think now it’s more about staying in control and staying ‘safe’. I stay within my known skill level, in what’s familiar to me creatively, then I feel the illusion of safety in my creative world. If that makes sense…

  3. Teresa says:

    Maybe next is a pillow that represents survival? The pressure of being perfectiony?

2 Pings/Trackbacks for "52 Pillows – #7 – I Got Nothin’"
  1. […] Pillow #7 I Got Nothin’ was a week I didn’t get a pillow finished (or even started) and my realization that, like so much of my life, I was doing my project just to get it done and done on time, instead of digging deep creatively and living from my heart. […]

  2. […] Pillow #7 I Got Nothin’ was a week I didn’t get a pillow finished (or even started) and my realization that, like so much of my life, I was doing my project just to get it done and done on time, instead of digging deep creatively and living from my heart. […]

Get the latest posts in your inbox...

Archives

TiffinyDesigns Patterns also available at:


Download Sewing Patterns Today!