I could not get motivated this morning. I had a long list of things to do, that yesterday I was revving to check off, but today I could muster no interest in my to-do list. Instead I played on Facebook and Etsy and wandered around the house wondering what was wrong with me. At noon when my husband came home for lunch, I was still in my pajamas.
I work pretty much every day of the week. Of course every parent does. What I mean is my studio work, my sewing work. Also, I rarely sit down to relax during the day. I sit down to DO things – work on the computer, eat, drive – but rarely to relax. Otherwise, I’m pretty much on my feet all day. This habit has been years in the making. When my son was young, me sitting down was an invitation for him to tackle me. A mom can only take so much. When he got a little older and calmer, I would fall asleep within minutes of sitting down. I don’t have time to take 2 hour naps anymore. In addition, I’ve recently experienced chronic pain (which I’m happy to say has been mostly resolved with acupuncture) which was often made worse by sitting down. So I’ve trained myself to stay on my feet, busy, busy and to push, push, push through the exhaustion and/or pain.
As a result, I have days like today. The exhaustion catches up with me and takes over. A person, this person, just can’t go continuously at this pace. Sometimes when the exhaustion catches up, like this morning, I think “What’s wrong with me?” and wallow for hours in my shortcomings, beating myself up about all the things I “should be doing”. And other days I can clearly see it’s time for me to do some major resting, to do a lot of nothing. Sometimes I need permission to do nothing. I just can’t seem to stop without feeling totally guilty. I often call my husband asking, “Is it okay if I don’t do anything today?” He always says yes.
That’s what I needed today. Permission. Once received, I wrapped myself in my favorite quilt, curled up on the sofa and looked out the picture window, where I promptly fell asleep. When I woke up 2 hours later, I felt great! I feel renewed and my energy and compass are up and running again. I even cleaned my stove, which, I’m embarrassed to say, hasn’t been cleaned in quite some time.
I feel so good about today’s Nothing, I think I’ll do some more! Especially with the busy holiday season underway, putting Nothing on my calendar will be a really great thing.
(If you’re interested in doing Nothing, I found a great website with ideas for starting small… Zen Habits: The Art of Doing Nothing.)